Naughty...who · wants · nice?

It's been forever since I've posted here, but I realized how much I've been missing and that it's another place where I can just be honest and not edit every word I say (which, as of late, has been my MO. Which is good - when it comes to writing and getting PAID for what I write, but when it's more of a censorship issue, not so much. But I digress.) Anyway, Hi LJ. Hi, friends. I'll try and be better here because honesty rocks. And I can do that here. But back to the point at hand.

It's a small point. Minor, even. But significant, at least right now.

Just returned from dinner with some of my best friends; a couple, in fact, who are great together. Or at least I think they are, or thought they were. But every couple portrays a role, has a public persona different than the private one and even those who know them best can be immune to it, whether intentional or not. Basically, the ugly side of life is often disguised (and often purposely) so that when you see it rear its ugly head you're nearly transfixed between astonishment and an inherent feeling of naivete. Like, "Did I miss this because they made me do so? Or was it because I didn't WANT to see the truth?"

I find this in my relationships a lot, not just in friends. Hmm. Another topic for another day.

So I came home, somewhat overwhelmed, very sad. Sad in my whole shock of it all, sad in my whole helplessness. I'm still hopeful that what I saw was an anomaly, but I'm not certain. Hopeful, yet not certain.

And after a day with much fulfillment, this put a damper on it all. I sat on my couch, just wanted to log in to check my email (and - selfishly - my Upcoming event RSVP's for the wine tasting thing that's consumed my existence for the past week or so) and Lila Belle, in all her "spring haircut" shorn glory, just jumped up on my lap, looked me in the eye, licked my cheek and promptly fell asleep.

Love is all around (not to quote the cheezy song in Love Actually). It surprises you. It scares you. It hurts you. It's unexpected at best, and even in the place where you realize just how jaded you are, something, somewhere, changes your mind, even a little. And that's enough.